HOLY THREADS

When you come for spiritual direction, you can expect to find two chairs facing each other if we are meeting in person. At present, all of my clients meet with me on Zoom and so you’ll receive an invitation to my living room. It will be the same link every time and when you sign on at your appointed time, you’ll find me smiling on your screen so thrilled to see your face again.

In person, one of those two chairs is set for you and the other is for me. Some spiritual directors set up a third chair to remind us both that God is a conversation partner in all of our listening. I must admit that I often forget to set up this chair. It does not, however, remove the presence of the holy.

Between those two chairs, you’ll find a candle waiting to be lit. After we share a few pleasantries, we will light the candle to remember that God is with us. Susan S. Phillips writes about that candle, saying, “The flickering light encourages me. When confidence falters, it flames on. It testifies to a God who asks us to communicate and trust, to know and be known by the One always present and seeking connection. The candle symbolizes God’s presence for those who bear their hearts to it. There is light and warmth, clarity and mystery, in the play of glow and shadow.” I rather like that. The candle will be flickering until our conversation concludes at the end of the hour.

The candle will be missing on Zoom, however, because it just disappears from view on the screen and becomes a bit of a fire hazard. There won’t be a candle but there will the the warmth of our greetings before I ask if you are ready to begin. At that point, I’ll offer something to transition. It could be a poem, a piece of art, some music, or even scripture but it might also be an extended silence followed by prayer spoken by me. I’ll remind you that after I say that Amen, this is your space to wonder and muse.

It would feel much the same in person. By the light of that newly lit candle, I’ll sometimes ask how you’d like to begin because sometimes you know what you need most.

There may well be a lot to silence in our conversation during that hour. We won’t force it but when it comes, we’ll welcome it. We’ll try to enter into those holy pauses and listen for what God might be saying through all of the tangled threads of your life. Sometimes we’ll hear something clearly that unknots the whole mess. And sometimes we won’t. Sometimes you’ll know and I’ll never have any idea what transpired for you. That’s how it should be. I’m not here to offer answers or figure it all out for you. My sacred task is to ask good questions and listen carefully and gracefully.

Spiritual direction is not like a friendship or even a therapy session so the conversation will feel different than it might with others. We’ll be listening together rather than swapping stories. We’ll be searching together for what God is doing in your life and so there won’t be as much back and forth. The conversation will be focused on the heart and soul of your story. This will be weird at times, but we will try to talk about that too. Throughout the conversation, no matter what you might bring, I will to be listening both to you and to God.

Just before our time is over, I’ll hint that it’s almost time. We’ll cherish what we have heard and note those things that seem important. Just as we began, I’ll ask if you’d prefer words of prayer or silence after which we’ll blow out the candle and be grateful for each other and all that has been shared.